Change

Change is friggin hard. No matter what people say, no matter how they act, in some way, in some shape, in some form it is really hard to change. Whether it be relocating, or transition to a new life situation, whatever it is, it requires the diligence to be able to adjust the way you "normally" do things.

For me 2006 has been hard.... Very hard... I mean it wasn't so bad when it started, but who would have guessed that it would have ended the way it did. Man, how things come up and f*ck up your whole situation. I've gone through a lot of change this year... A ton... Obviously it could have been worse - but for me, it was quite and unstable year.

I think the hardest changes this year were the ones that I felt I had no control over. Do you know how hard it is to deal with something you can very little control over? If not, let me tell you...9 times out of 10 it really sucks. This was one of those 9 out of 10 times when it really sucked. It actually continues to suck. Not only does it suck, but it has effectively sucked the life out of me... I'm drained... I feel fu*king useless sometimes... Like I'm sitting in a pile of sh*t and I'm wallowing in it... Like a straight buster... What an idiot I say... I look at other people and think, get over it...stop being a looser... What irony, things really do come back full circle because now I'm the big looser.... A big fat sniveling looser...

Why the hell do I have to go through all of this? OH, I know why...It's probably because I gave my all... Isn't that some cheesy line from those Army commercials? Well I sure wasn't fighting in Iraq... But you know what? I really did give it my all...I put MYSELF in a position where I consciously decided, "you know what D? Just go for it... Give it your all... F*ck your reservations, you're just being sensitive... Drop your "concerns" at the door. Remember what you said to yourself? This is a "no checked luggage flight" remember that? Yep but you were talking to someone else... " And I have to give myself credit because I really did leave all "baggage" at the door... I went in full steam ahead because it was worth the risk. I continually told myself that it doesn't matter because it is WORTH IT! Now as I deal with the aftermath that decision has yielded I ask myself again...

Was it worth it? Through my sniveling the answer is pretty loud and clear... YES... It sure the hell was. No matter how much this change sucks right now, I would do it again - probably 1000 times. Am I a glutton for punishment? I don't think so... Right now, I just wish things were different... But unfortunately I left my tooth fairy and magic wand at home so there won't be any "wishes" coming true anytime soon. It's time to take my own advice... I need to listen to what I tell other people... "GET over it"... It's just so hard to listen to your advice sometimes...

What a hypocrite you are probably thinking... So what... You are right...I deserve that.... I talk sh*t like that all the time and here I am... ON some blog complaining about my poor poor life. By me writing this the little voice in my head is saying "Dude get the hell over it!" ...sheesh....with people dying, storms, people loosing their homes and sh*t and I'm still sitting here sulking... Gosh... what happened to the D I used to know? Hanging banners in protest over the 405 freeway.... The guy who told others he would be the first black president of the US... Where is that guy???? I don't know...he's been on vacation for a while it seems.

Not anymore... If anything this "change" no matter how hard it has been has made me realize what other changes need to take place in my life. It's time to clean house! They are doing it at my company... I should follow their lead and bust out my broom.... GET A GRIP... Sheesh...

For 2007, here's to CHANGE everyone... You know what, because that is what keeps life interesting... No matter how hard it is...